i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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