I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
