I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
