Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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