She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
