omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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