I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
do herpes really smell.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
