and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize