Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
