Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
