So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Soap is not a condiment
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
