I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
