I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
