We're facebook friends in real life
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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