After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
