so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
