So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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