She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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