I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
