i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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