apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
