is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
