Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
