Plan B is the new Plan A
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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