I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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