I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
