The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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