What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize