Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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