you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
