is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
