Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
