Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
