i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
