I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
