So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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