I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
