You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
