I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
