i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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