She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
