Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
