they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
