my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
