Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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