My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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