Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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