She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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