I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
