let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
