And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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