During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize