my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
