Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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