I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there was a trapeze. enough said
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
