the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
