I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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