no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can text with my tongue
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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