I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
