With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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