id be glad to
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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