Everything about him screamed your future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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