Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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